あさのさんへ
編集長からのあのやんわりとした指示、わたしたちの習性を完全に見抜いていてふふってなりました（笑）
さすが編集長。
唐突ですがあさのさん、ありがとうございます。
だいたい「なんとかなるさ」的な感じで適当に自分をごまかすことが多いせいか、脳や胸の中がわちゃわちゃしてくると思考をやめてしまう悪い癖があるわたしは、そんなわちゃわちゃ期間に差し掛かるといろいろなことが整理できないまま整理できているふりをしようしてしまうんです。
実は、ちょうど今もそんな感じなんですけどね。
たとえば「ナウ」な状況が辛いものだったり、不安や心配が勝ってしまうような場合には「ナウ」の状況から目を背けたてしまったりするわけなんですけど、そもそもネガティブに見えてしまう未来のことや不安や心配があったりちょっと面倒だと思っていることを考えないようにして向き合うことをやめてしまって先延ばしにしてしまうと、きっとそのもうちょっと先にある ー来るべきエピソード２や３ー に「ナウ」の不安や心配以上の後悔だったりそれに似たもっとネガティブな感情を広げることになってしまうだろうし、そんな風になったことも経験としてやっぱりあるわけなので「ちゃんとしないとだめだ」と思っていたんですよね。
ただ、ちゃんとしようと思っていても「猛烈にちゃんとしてる！」とかっていう状況になったためしがない。
「ちゃんとしないとだめだと思う」だけだと「反省しました」と一緒でその行為自体で満足してしまったりするから。だからここはもう膝を突き合わせて「向き合う」しかない。
でも「向き合う」という言葉だとなんかこう難しい感じがとってもしてしまうし、そこからまたちょっと距離をおいてしまうかもしれない。
だけど、だからこそやっぱり全部ちゃんと向き合わないとだめだと。そういう風に思っていたんですよね。具体的な対策とかそんな何かがあるわけではなく。
想像する未来は心配なこともゼロじゃないし、涙が止まらないこともあるんだけど、心配も哀しいこともそのまま認めたまま、エピソード2はどんなことをしようかと脚本を書いてみるのもいいよね
わたしにとって「脚本を書いてみる」というあさのさんの表現はとてもとてもしっくりきて、大事なヒントをもらいました。
とりあえず飛びついてやってみる派のわたしには飛びついてやってみたその先の脚本をぼんやりにでも書いておくことはとても必要だなと感じたわけです。
あらためて、ありがとうございます。素敵なヒントと同時にケツをたたかれたというかほっぺたをつねられたというか、そんなあたたかいものをいただきました。
それとこの場を借りて、あさのさんにひとつお願いがあります。
ちょっと先のスケジュールを決めるのが苦手なのはわかっているのですが、出張にきて夜予定がはいるかはいらないかわからないそんなとき。
「きょうぼっち」とかそんな一言でいいので出会い頭に言ってください。
まぁ、最近は口に出さずともだいたいわかるようになってきましたけどね（笑）
でも念のために。
イシより
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